The Percabeth Revolution: The Shakespearean Ploy
by Surt Lord of Muspelheim
Summary: A submission for the Percabeth Revolution parodying the innate tendancy of newb writers to "overcomplicate" romance in this archive. No character bashing, but it has a twist... All Crit of all climes welcomed.


**A/N: If you support the ****Percabeth**** Revolution, write an anti-****Percabeth**** or anti-Nico/****OC****fic**** or whatever, with the words The ****Percabeth**** Revolution first and then your title. Like mine is The ****Percabeth**** Revolution: The Shakespearean Ploy. And then, in your author's notes, copy and paste these instructions. I am a proud supporter of The ****Percabeth**** Revolution. You can be, too!**

And now, with a little fanfare, the taming of the Purple Prose, as this is an extremely annoying part of Percabeth in this fandom. All crit of any form is welcomed, so fire away!

_We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true._

—Robert Wilensky

~*

How I loved her, with a love nigh unparalleled by any other love in camp! And how much she must know of this! Please, Aphrodite, let this day be the day that she and I declare our undying love for one another! Please let our bond of inseparable friendship of not be shattered by any other force, and let it grow! Your greatness in this field is unmatched. All I pray is that we both be together forever.

Pray, she comes. Ripe from battle, the beautiful maiden smiles at me with no clue toward my need of her, nor how she tempts me so. I smile at her innocence, pure, compared to most of her brethren. Little flower, not caught or trampled down not even by the top mechanic weedwackers (1) of the mighty forces of the Hephaestus cabin, nor the vainital wrath of the Aphrodite. Falls she not even to the Hermes cabin, swift as the wind, and clever and wise enough to match them. Over the river she jumps, a clean match to even the swiftest gazelle of the Serengeti. Other girls attempt to rise to her level; they fail, no girl in my mind could possibly be anywhere near as perfect or great. Lo, she passes every test I set before her; she must know of my feeling soon, or our love shall perish.

Save Chiron and Grover, none know of the secret crush I harbor to her. Day and night I ponder the relationship between us, and why it may not work out to my expectations. All of camp, some mortals, and even some of the gods think there might be something between us. Yet do I find myself caring toward how they view my personal life? Even when they inquire, I blow them off with a curt reply, even to my most trusted of friends, especially those pestering vixen (2) in the Aphrodite cabin. Vexing, but extremely necessary; if they discover my relationship both of us will be in trouble, as love between us is much forbidden and condemned by both our respective parents. Even so, I cannot remain alone for ever, she must know soon. Round and round the clock goes as I ponder my decision. One cannot take these things in vain, as they set the life of this love, and it cannot be taken in vain. Now my mind has been fully made; she will know, and we will escape.

Ever so hard this is, the slaying of the great dragon of my timid nature, as hard as any other monster I have slain! Mighty is my cowardice, as this is not to be as hard as I thought it would be. As ironic as it was, the courage that consistently gave me the ability to tear apart the greatest monster of the myths avails me not in the realm of confession of love. Yet now the courage I have cannot fail me; this being the most important moment of my life, it will do its part as all others did for it.

Young and presuming not, the young angel sits next to me in a most peculiar position, modeling her assets very well.(3) _Out with it, Percy_, I tell myself. _Unlike the other heroes, you have the ability to confess this to her. Has your stomach yet stopped you from killing a monster? And how is this conquering yet so different? Very different indeed, this is nowhere near the standards you have vanquished and conquered. Even now your power in slaying those monsters aids you in your endeavors to woo this young woman; it will not fail you, it has seen far worse._ _My,_ I thought to myself "_your arms, they seem so incandescent and scintillating."_ _And you_ I murmured, too silent for her to hear as she droned on about the trivial battle plans she was constructing, _are much too verbose_ (4)_ and talkative_.

_Now then, allow me to give your lips a more satisfying and rewarding endeavor._ You are vastly too great in my mind, you rule out any and all other thoughts I had. Much thought I have given this; my _shih_as a warrior and a lover have both been stretched to each's highest extent. Oh, how this maddening feeling must be quenched. Rusty the words of love in my mouth may be, but they will come out just as certain as I will slay this beast that resides in my chest, roaring up against my sensitive organs, intensifying my internal longing. Every moment that passes separates me further and further from my great love. Tepid breaths coarse over my skin, further solidifying my want and need for her. Oh, pray, the great dame speaks with each syllable echoing like a chorus of great angels. "Can, perchance I do something for you, Percy; you seem to be looking at me funny." "Oh, my dearest dove," I cooed, "you can do the world for me. My time with you dwindles, as comes the night; your father will certainly rip me to shreds. Elope with me, and make my life complete…CLARISSE!!"(5)

*~

Well, how was it? Did you get the _hidden_ joke?

(Frowns)

No? Well, then, take the first _capital letter of each sentence_, beginning at the first point in which I write (Denotated by the "roses" for your convenience), and write them down in order.

Get it?

If you do, then please submit a review as to how I did on this parody.

THX

~SLM

_______________________________________________________________________(Spoiler line) __________________________________________________________________

Footnotes (not needed, but funny if you have read the Bartimaeus Trilogy. )

(1) Now that's got to be some form of innuendo… O.o

(2) Nope, not going to say it. Sorry. Though, now that I look at it, they do have enough to be that bad.

(3) You think they just have books on _**military **_strategy in their cabin, don't you? You guys are so charmingly naïve.

(4) Go to hell, SMeyer!

(5) What? You honestly thought it was Annabeth? Did I give any prior implication or suggestion toward that? XD


End file.
